Monday, July 31, 2006
Feeling like a number one
I spent more time than usual standing on line at the bank today. The athletic young blonde woman wearing dance shoes in front of me was depositing a considerable quantity of dollar bills. I could almost read her mind, "twelve fucking years of ballet..."
Friday, July 28, 2006
When I want something and I don't wanna pay for it
Jake has made a few campaign promises in the last few months. I haven't kept track of them since I'm not going to vote anyway, but I figured that since I am his running mate (AKA, the real brains behind the operation), I'll make a few promises of my own. So here's what you get if you give us campaign donations. (Nonsequential unmarked bills in varying denominations, no loose change please.)- I'll get you into the Smithsonian after hours and you can sit in Archie Bunker's chair.
- Free rides anywhere you want on Air Force Two. I know it's not as prestigious as Air Force One, but they won't let me ride either.
- If you're a reporter, you get dibs on leaks of classified information. Hell, even if you're a male prostitute with a blog.
- Some asshole cut you off in traffic? Send me their license plate number and they'll be on the next C130 to Gitmo.
- Want some gold? Since we're not using it to back our money anymore it's been sitting around Fort Knox gathering dust for 35 years. Just back your truck up to the loading dock and honk the secret code on your horn, "Shave and a Hair Cut", and they'll let you grab all you can carry. Remember that this shit is heavy so you probably want something bigger than an S10 to haul it.
- You can take anything you want from the US mint too, but that shit's worthless anymore so I wouldn't bother if I were you. We're printing it as fast as we can spend it, and boy-howdy can we spend it.
- Any countries you don't like? Say the word an I'll send a bunch of stealth bombers right up their ass. Just so long as they're not white and Christian (except Germany).
- All the no-bid contracts you want. Keep in mind that Jake'll be shutting government down so there won't be a whole lot for you to do, but maybe that makes it all the better.
- You get to go on hunting trips with me. The downside is that if I shoot you, you have to apologize for looking like a bird. The upside is that I'll let you shoot a bald eagle.
- Since the VP is the President's puppet master, I'll let you pull Jake's strings and make him slap his own face.
- I can't guarantee you a night in the Lincoln Bedroom, but you can have a three-day weekend in the Mondale Fantasy Suite.
- Two words: "Navel Observatory".
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Screwing in the surf and going out to shows
I can't believe it. I just can not fucking believe it. The Hold Steady and Sean Na Na are playing Seattle on October 21... Three weeks after our due date. I could either leave my wife with our newborn daughter and drive 5 hours to go to the show or I could live to see the age of 33. 'Cause I sure as hell won't get to do both.
That's right, laugh away you neutered bastard. So what if I'm missing out on shows and good restaurants to spend time with my kids? At least I get to mess with their heads on a regular basis. Today I taught The Boy to say "Fuck the fascist pigs!" Tomorrow, we learn how to make Molotov cocktails. Okay, so today he actually learned to climb the rock wall at the park, and tomorrow we'll probably go for a bike ride down to the lake.
Damn, I'm hardcore.
That's right, laugh away you neutered bastard. So what if I'm missing out on shows and good restaurants to spend time with my kids? At least I get to mess with their heads on a regular basis. Today I taught The Boy to say "Fuck the fascist pigs!" Tomorrow, we learn how to make Molotov cocktails. Okay, so today he actually learned to climb the rock wall at the park, and tomorrow we'll probably go for a bike ride down to the lake.
Damn, I'm hardcore.
I walk the thinnest line
Hooray for malt liquor and over the counter cold remedies!
So Mr. DJ, I hope you've already made your segue
Damn, a sober rereading of these recent posts is startling. I have to remind myself that most of the people reading this have either never met me or not had any other contact with me since I fled to the mountains 13 years ago. So while I am an anarchist in real life, I keep very low-key about it. Hell, one of my current clients is a school district. While I no longer vote in national elections and only grudgingly pay federal taxes lest I lose my career and spend time in the pokey, I do occasionally vote on local bonds, and I never complain about the local taxes. We chose to live in a resort town nestled between the mountains and lakes and understand that taxes are the price we pay for such a luxury. The same can not be said for the Feds who will continue to tax you and enforce laws upon you even if you do leave. But now I'm venturing into rant territory again, and that's not what this is about. Anyway, I donate quite a bit of money to a local charity, and I've volunteered doing mentoring for several years. We even did foster care for a couple years.
So that's the real x. All in all, I'm an upstanding member of the community, a good worker and a decent family man. Pretty fucking scary, huh?
Before we resume our regularly scheduled programming of bitterness and debauchery, here's an amusing link for all you nerds out there.
So that's the real x. All in all, I'm an upstanding member of the community, a good worker and a decent family man. Pretty fucking scary, huh?
Before we resume our regularly scheduled programming of bitterness and debauchery, here's an amusing link for all you nerds out there.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Tell us you got something to say
Then bore us with your anarchy
We just wish you'd go away
Why are you a moron?
So anyway, by drinking the rest of the beer in the refrigerator, I solved a whole bunch of major problems in my life. Not least of which is that now I have room for more beer in the refrigerator! Who ever said there are no simple solutions? Who? I'm fucking serious WHO SAID THAT?!? 'Cause I'll fucking cut 'em right now. What you don't think I'll smash this bottle and do it? You bet your fucking ass I will! Hey, don't go away I'm still talking to you! Who are you calling? The cops? Fuck the pigs, see if I care... umm fuck the government too. Yeah... Where was I? I need to go get more beer...
Come home every summer, play the way other kids play
Be happy getting drunk each night, waiting tables everyday
Thanks to my random discovery of that Phil Ochs cover a few days ago, I've been listening to a lot of young anarchist folk singer Evan Greer. Check him out in all his charming youthful anger. Enjoy it while you can kid, it's no longer cute when you're over 30. Instead, people tell you to shut up and put your pants back on. Okay so I know you probably won't sell out and become a whore like the rest of us. But next time you see Amy Goodman, tell a good fart joke and see if that'll make her laugh. Someone's got to do it.
I'm still having a hard time getting reacquainted with the puck mouse. What the fuck was Jobs thinking? Also, there's no fucking way that YouTube is going to work on a 233Mhz G3 iMac, so I'm just going to have to watch Jake's Vlogs at work. Well, I noticed that after this beer and the next beer and the one after that there's only one more beer left in the fridge. I guess I'd better go do something about that.
I'm still having a hard time getting reacquainted with the puck mouse. What the fuck was Jobs thinking? Also, there's no fucking way that YouTube is going to work on a 233Mhz G3 iMac, so I'm just going to have to watch Jake's Vlogs at work. Well, I noticed that after this beer and the next beer and the one after that there's only one more beer left in the fridge. I guess I'd better go do something about that.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
And on a pretty Sunday morning
A bunch of pretty Baptist girls
Linked their pretty hands, and sang:
Some things that are sappy expansive and dunderheaded are classified in the popular imagination as "liberal." Some things that are cold, evil and financially rewarding are classified as "Conservative." It doesn't matter if you classify them as "North-going Zaxian" and "South-going Zaxish", it's a false dichotomy designed to pit people against eachother. But it's not that simple. The people running the show buy into this fiction as much, if not more, than the rest of us do, and most actually believe that they are doing what they do for the good of humankind and the planet regardless of their political stripe. As they say, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
The problem with such however well intentioned attempts at such varied things as managing an economy with billions of individual producers and consumers or reshaping the political landscape of societies halfway around the world is that the complexities are far beyond the comprehension of mere humans. It's not that those of us who recognize the folly of a massive centralized power structure think everyone else is a dumbfuck, it's that we realize that when faced with the use of such overwhelming power, we are all dumbfucks, and nobody should be trusted with it.
Fortunately, aside from that, life is pretty damn sweet, especially when you don't waste your energy worrying about how everyone else chooses to live their lives, and therein lies the beauty of anarchist philosophy.
The problem with such however well intentioned attempts at such varied things as managing an economy with billions of individual producers and consumers or reshaping the political landscape of societies halfway around the world is that the complexities are far beyond the comprehension of mere humans. It's not that those of us who recognize the folly of a massive centralized power structure think everyone else is a dumbfuck, it's that we realize that when faced with the use of such overwhelming power, we are all dumbfucks, and nobody should be trusted with it.
Fortunately, aside from that, life is pretty damn sweet, especially when you don't waste your energy worrying about how everyone else chooses to live their lives, and therein lies the beauty of anarchist philosophy.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
I will- show you things that you have never seen
And I will- tell you all about Martin Sheen
One of the side effects of having a small child is that sitting down and watching TV is a thing of the past. I suppose I could get Tivo, but then again I suppose I could order King Pizza and MFF every night and get a scooter to haul my quarter-ton ass around too. Instead, I occasionally watch a DVD with Joanna after The Boy goes to bed. Lately we've been renting The West Wing. I never got into that one when it was on the air (is it still?), and now I know why. It's the same reason that every progressive baby boomer I know loves this complete pile of shite. Because every problem has a government solution, and not a moronically simplistic solution like the current actual administration's typical response, but well, here's a case in point: One of the major characters is reviewing program spending requests to be cut, and singles out a federal program to train sanitation workers. At this suggestion, a plucky overachieving young intern in the background emits an audible sigh of disapproval. After the meeting the major character pulls her aside to chastise her for speaking out of turn. Instead, she offers a glowing defense of the program mentioning the facts that Americans produce prodigious quantities of trash and cash-strapped cities can't find enough qualified workers to deal with it all. This speech apparently puts this senior official in his place and saves the day for the program.
What the fuck were the writers thinking? Maybe if cities passed the additional labor costs to hire good workers on to their customers and the results of people's wasteful consumerism hits them directly in the pocketbook they'd think twice about buying so much useless throw-away crap, but no, the nanny state comes in with a billion dollar quick fix. Because that's the basic assumption that most people in this country seem to have. Don't you worry your pretty little heads, loyal subjects, government is here to protect you from high drug prices and terrorists, by throwing more of your (or your children's) hard-earned money at the problem.
Besides, everytime I see Martin Sheen, The Little Man in My Head starts hollering "I will trim your fir trees, and I will light your fire, an I will wrestle alligators in your swampland of desire." And dammit, I don't need anymore of that shit.
Side note: I tend to go in cycles in terms of my casual swearing in everyday conversation. I've noticed a distinct upswing when I blog. Also, I think it goes up when I drink, and it gets worse when I don't drink.
What the fuck were the writers thinking? Maybe if cities passed the additional labor costs to hire good workers on to their customers and the results of people's wasteful consumerism hits them directly in the pocketbook they'd think twice about buying so much useless throw-away crap, but no, the nanny state comes in with a billion dollar quick fix. Because that's the basic assumption that most people in this country seem to have. Don't you worry your pretty little heads, loyal subjects, government is here to protect you from high drug prices and terrorists, by throwing more of your (or your children's) hard-earned money at the problem.
Besides, everytime I see Martin Sheen, The Little Man in My Head starts hollering "I will trim your fir trees, and I will light your fire, an I will wrestle alligators in your swampland of desire." And dammit, I don't need anymore of that shit.
Side note: I tend to go in cycles in terms of my casual swearing in everyday conversation. I've noticed a distinct upswing when I blog. Also, I think it goes up when I drink, and it gets worse when I don't drink.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I just found a new cover of that Phil Ochs classic for The Little Man In My Head's enjoyment.
Today I'm working on another rendering. It's a complete piece of shit from a design standpoint, just a cube-farm hell hole for federal government office drones, but it's so rare that I get to draw anymore that I'm enjoying it all the same. I'd have moral misgivings about working on a project like this, but I've managed to deal with it in two ways: Copious amounts of alcohol, of course, and satisfaction in the knowledge that the pathetic bureaucrats who will work in this space will not actually be getting the nice light fixtures and Aeron chairs that I'm showing. Sometimes the artist just has to lie to get the job. Do I really want this comission? Not really, but I could use the bonus money, and if I don't do it, someone else will. Someone who may actually give a flying fuck, and we just can't have that. Not if I can help it.
So if you don't see the humor in The Little Man In My Head's musical selection today given the above rationalization for my being such a fucking tool, then you're just not trying.
Today I'm working on another rendering. It's a complete piece of shit from a design standpoint, just a cube-farm hell hole for federal government office drones, but it's so rare that I get to draw anymore that I'm enjoying it all the same. I'd have moral misgivings about working on a project like this, but I've managed to deal with it in two ways: Copious amounts of alcohol, of course, and satisfaction in the knowledge that the pathetic bureaucrats who will work in this space will not actually be getting the nice light fixtures and Aeron chairs that I'm showing. Sometimes the artist just has to lie to get the job. Do I really want this comission? Not really, but I could use the bonus money, and if I don't do it, someone else will. Someone who may actually give a flying fuck, and we just can't have that. Not if I can help it.So if you don't see the humor in The Little Man In My Head's musical selection today given the above rationalization for my being such a fucking tool, then you're just not trying.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
A place they call sacred
A place I call Hell
Today's column by Bill Bonner pretty much sums up my attitude about the middle east.
Not that I think anyone in power will heed the advice of a bearded anarchist from the mountains. Instead such intervention will continue until either everyone here loses interest, or it drains the public coffers to the point where the few people left who still care won't have the means to keep it up anyway. This empire too shall pass away, but the existential anarchy in which society functions will persist as it has since the dawn of time.
- Take the matter of war in the Levant. Anyone who has bothered to blow the dust off a history book knows that people in the region cut each other's throats from time to time. What you learn from this history is that when that happens, you're better off being somewhere else. There is little that the news today can add to that lesson.
Not that I think anyone in power will heed the advice of a bearded anarchist from the mountains. Instead such intervention will continue until either everyone here loses interest, or it drains the public coffers to the point where the few people left who still care won't have the means to keep it up anyway. This empire too shall pass away, but the existential anarchy in which society functions will persist as it has since the dawn of time.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Frankie and Annette were lying on the sand
when Frankie got a letter from Uncle Sam
First post from the Bondi iMac, 1998 retro baby. Funny thing is, because I have this thing hardwired in to the hub, it has the fastest internet connection in the house, but the hardware bottleneck means that I have about a 1/2 second lag in my typing. That can be a real pain in the ass for a dyslexic hunt & pecker like myself. First thing I did was fire up IE for the first and last time to go get Firefox. Well, the 10.2.8 combined update is almost finished, so I'm going to have to restart then go to bed.
Famine and Death and Pestilence and War
I'm Pretty Sure I've Heard This One Before
I just can't bring myself to argue about religion and politics anymore. Sometimes I rant about them, but only in a mocking sense. I really have nothing serious to say about them any more than I have anything to say about syphilis and modern country music. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all. They can blow eachother to smithereens for all I care. More liquor and drugs for me.
I finally broke down and got a me mobile phone. The office has been bugging me about getting one, and since they just gave me a big fat bonus, I figured I could whore out one more cranial orifice for them.
Look closely at the screen. Co-opt: Verb 3. To take or assume for one's own use; appropriate... Workers of the world, give up.
In other tech news, the iBook had an unfortunate fall a few days ago, snapping screen frame in two places at the hinge.
I managed to pull the frame and hinge out of the old (mostly) dead G3, and install it in the newer 'Book. Hence the shiny aluminum hinge cover in lieu of plastic.
While putting the thing back together I was struck with inspiration to slip a piece of pink crepe paper between the plastic and the backlight. Asleep the logo appears white, but when the screen comes on:
As for the rest of the components, I tried to install the RAM and DVD/CD-R drive in the Bondi iMac, but it won't recognize the 256MB chip. It recognizes the drive, but I can't boot from it. Hopefully I can find a fix for these problems. In the mean time it seems to be running OSX Jaguar just fine, although I'm at the bare minimum system requirements. Now I need to install a bigger hard drive.
I finally broke down and got a me mobile phone. The office has been bugging me about getting one, and since they just gave me a big fat bonus, I figured I could whore out one more cranial orifice for them.
Look closely at the screen. Co-opt: Verb 3. To take or assume for one's own use; appropriate... Workers of the world, give up.In other tech news, the iBook had an unfortunate fall a few days ago, snapping screen frame in two places at the hinge.
I managed to pull the frame and hinge out of the old (mostly) dead G3, and install it in the newer 'Book. Hence the shiny aluminum hinge cover in lieu of plastic.
While putting the thing back together I was struck with inspiration to slip a piece of pink crepe paper between the plastic and the backlight. Asleep the logo appears white, but when the screen comes on:
As for the rest of the components, I tried to install the RAM and DVD/CD-R drive in the Bondi iMac, but it won't recognize the 256MB chip. It recognizes the drive, but I can't boot from it. Hopefully I can find a fix for these problems. In the mean time it seems to be running OSX Jaguar just fine, although I'm at the bare minimum system requirements. Now I need to install a bigger hard drive.Friday, July 14, 2006
'cause when you're laid in bed at night watching roaches climb the wall
If you call your Dad he could stop it all
Thanks Dave, for giving The Little Man In My Head more ammunition.
Have fun in NYC, Britt, even though your Hyundai is too rich for my blood.
I taught the boy how to pogo to the punk rock music on the pirate radio station last night.
Umm... That's about it for now. Fuck off, all of you!
Have fun in NYC, Britt, even though your Hyundai is too rich for my blood.
I taught the boy how to pogo to the punk rock music on the pirate radio station last night.
Umm... That's about it for now. Fuck off, all of you!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
I know you can walk on water
But can you walk on this much beer?
That'll convert those tailgating heathens.Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I tell you, some people just don't want to get involved!
Three stories struck me for their absurdity this morning.
First, Ken Lay kicks the bucket at his vacation home in Aspen. I don't know about you but I imagine if I were convicted of stealing out of the petty cash at work, they wouldn't let me go on vacation in another state while awaiting sentancing. Also odd that he was at his vacation home considering that his wife Linda claimed they were broke. I guess certain people have different definitions for the terms "convicted" and "broke".
Also, the VA refuses to allow a pentacle on memorial plaque for a wiccan soldier killed in Afghanistan. 'Cause it ain't a real religion unless the government recognizes it as one of 38 official religions.
Finally, New Jersey closes all casinos because they can't afford to pay their inspectors. Only the government would be stupid enough to shut down a $1.3 million/day revenue source because they can't balance their budget.
Good thing The Onion is on vacation this week, because you can't make shit like this up.
First, Ken Lay kicks the bucket at his vacation home in Aspen. I don't know about you but I imagine if I were convicted of stealing out of the petty cash at work, they wouldn't let me go on vacation in another state while awaiting sentancing. Also odd that he was at his vacation home considering that his wife Linda claimed they were broke. I guess certain people have different definitions for the terms "convicted" and "broke".
Also, the VA refuses to allow a pentacle on memorial plaque for a wiccan soldier killed in Afghanistan. 'Cause it ain't a real religion unless the government recognizes it as one of 38 official religions.
Finally, New Jersey closes all casinos because they can't afford to pay their inspectors. Only the government would be stupid enough to shut down a $1.3 million/day revenue source because they can't balance their budget.
Good thing The Onion is on vacation this week, because you can't make shit like this up.
Monday, July 03, 2006
My Empire of Dirt
I finally got around to my solstice sunset hike, nearly two weeks late, but I'm sure the sun god has other shit on his plate. My only apology goes out to iSirkus for once again letting her down. Come back next June for a few more days and we'll try it again. Not to rub it in, but it was gorgeous. The trail up was nice and clear. Some years it has been blocked by fallen trees, and one year I encountered snow only about a half mile up, but none of the white stuff was to be seen this time.
On the drive up I pass maybe a dozen pickups hauling ATVs, and a couple on quads consulted a map as I arrive at the trailhead. Fortunately they are trying to find their way back to their campsite, so I figure I will have the trail to myself. As I made my way up, I remember why I have not ridden my dirt bike in over a decade, and do not regret recently giving the old thing away when I see the condition of the trail. The ruts are almost three feet deep in places, and you can see how the tires have ripped through the latticework of tiny roots that holds the mountainside together. I understand that they are fun machines, as I rode my CanAm all over the farm and surrounding country roads as a kid, and I'm not going to give people shit or try to get laws passed to ban them, but it bothers me that so many riders do not know how to tread lightly.
The convenient part about this little jaunt is that just as I start to feel a little winded, a little over a mile in and a mile high, the trees start to get shorter, the beargrass increases and I crest the ridge to find a clearing with a view of the hazy valley to the west. In and of itself this would be worth the climb to watch the sunset, but it's just a small taste of what lies ahead. One of these days I want to set up camp here and make this an all night tradition capped with a pre-dawn scramble up the peak to watch the sunrise. Maybe another year.
As I turn back to the trail, I hang a left and continue south along the wooded ridge. After a few more yards the ridge runs into the base of North Chilco peak. It's only about a quarter mile and a couple hundred feet in vertical to the top, but a talus slope is a treacherous walking surface. I'm very glad that I chose my Redwing boots with good ankle support, because in my old LaCrosse hikers I could have easily rolled an ankle and spent the next 8 to 10 hours hobbling slowly back to civilization. These small unstable rocks are not to be trifled with.
At the top are the remains of an old lookout tower, to the southeast flows the Little North Fork, a oasis on a hot summer weekend when the town is overrun with Californians and Westsiders. Beyond are the ridges lining the Silver Valley. Silver Mountain and Lookout Pass ski areas are barely visible to the naked eye, but don't show up on a cheap digital camera.
The jagged backs of the Cabinet Range in Montana loom on the northeastern horizon beyond the Bitterroots. There's not one human settlement 'tween here and there.
Due north lies the southern arm of Lake Pend Oreille, about 60 miles long and over 1000 feet deep, it is used for testing experimental submarines. Black helicopters'n'shit abound. the Selkirk Crest on the lefthand horizon stretches to British Columbia. Earlier in the day one can see Chimney Rock and Roman Nose from here, but now only a vague shadowy outline remains.
Above the tree line, delicate flowering plants colonize the bare rock, closely followed by grasses.
As the alpine meadow soaks up the late evening sunlight, the valley rangeland and timberland below falls prey to ranchettes. Everyone wants their slice of the pie. Maybe when the shit hits the fan they can put that land back to productive use, if they can hold onto that ARM, that is.
Somewhere past Newport, Washington, the sun falls into the mountains, and a coolness washes over the rocks. I grab my bag to head down the slope. The light will hold for another hour or so I suspect, but the first few steps down will require my full attention. Talus may give you a fair fight on the way up, but it can sneak up and snap your leg on the way down if you're not careful. By the time I get down below the ridge on the thickly forested trail, I feel a tinge of gratitude to the quad and dirtbike riders for leaving such an obvious path. Even in the low twilight, there is no danger of losing the trail.On the half-hour drive down from the saddle, I remember to appreciate the effects of understeer with a small front-wheel-drive car on gravel. As I hit pavement I briefly consider opening up and speeding around the curves but consider the effect of G-O versus deer. No sooner do I ponder this than I round a curve over a slight rise and see the light from the highbeams reflected back at me by a vertical white tail on the side of the road. A split second sooner, and I'd have been eating venison the hard way.
