Thursday, September 29, 2005
I just found out
My office Xmas party is going to be on my birthday this year. It's not like I've ever needed an excuse to get drunk on shitty tequila and wake up naked in a snow drift on my boss's front lawn before, but now I have two good reasons.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Prostitution
It's amazing what an extra dollar an hour will do for a guy's job satisfaction.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Not a Rant
I thought I felt a rant coming on, but it turns out it was just gas.
I was going to go on about my job and sitting at a computer and doing paperwork instead of working outside on the jobsite, but then I realized that would just make me another whiny 9-to-5 white guy. Nobody wants to hear that shit. Not even me.
I was going to go on about my job and sitting at a computer and doing paperwork instead of working outside on the jobsite, but then I realized that would just make me another whiny 9-to-5 white guy. Nobody wants to hear that shit. Not even me.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Misappropriation. Gasp!
While I'm not exactly a regular reader of WND, Strike The Root posted a link to this article: Storm-Relief Money Spent at Strip Clubs.
Well no shit Serlock. Who'da thunk that if you gave a bunch of destitute people free credit cards they'd just go and blow the money? Fuck man, I would too if I lost everything. Two Gs wouldn't come close to putting my life back in order, but it could sure as shit buy me a helluva good time. Why not? It's a lot better use of the government's money than building bridges and pipelines in some sandy hellhole just so some religious nutjob (one of theirs or one of ours) can blow it up again. The way I see it, the evacuees get a little fun for the first time in several weeks, the local economy gets a boost, and the increased demand for experienced strippers creates jobs for all the displaced dancers from the Crescent City. Of course, with all the National Guard troops and media running around, those lovely ladies may already be needed back home.
People are also perportedly using the cards to buy useless shit like Louis Vuitton handbags and designer jeans. The article notes that the only prohibition on the cards is using them to buy achohol, tobacco or firearms. Apparently the logic is that the cards are supposed to be used for necessities, but if you've been displaced from the Big Easy to some massive shithole like Houston or Atlanta, then liquor, cigarettes and guns are a major motherfucking neccesity. Shit, they're a major motherfucking necessity for me right now.
Well no shit Serlock. Who'da thunk that if you gave a bunch of destitute people free credit cards they'd just go and blow the money? Fuck man, I would too if I lost everything. Two Gs wouldn't come close to putting my life back in order, but it could sure as shit buy me a helluva good time. Why not? It's a lot better use of the government's money than building bridges and pipelines in some sandy hellhole just so some religious nutjob (one of theirs or one of ours) can blow it up again. The way I see it, the evacuees get a little fun for the first time in several weeks, the local economy gets a boost, and the increased demand for experienced strippers creates jobs for all the displaced dancers from the Crescent City. Of course, with all the National Guard troops and media running around, those lovely ladies may already be needed back home.
People are also perportedly using the cards to buy useless shit like Louis Vuitton handbags and designer jeans. The article notes that the only prohibition on the cards is using them to buy achohol, tobacco or firearms. Apparently the logic is that the cards are supposed to be used for necessities, but if you've been displaced from the Big Easy to some massive shithole like Houston or Atlanta, then liquor, cigarettes and guns are a major motherfucking neccesity. Shit, they're a major motherfucking necessity for me right now.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
George Bush makes The Boy cry.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Legos Rule
The greatest toy ever invented is the Lego. This is a scientific fact. I can prove it mathematically. Just give me a pencil and a piece of paper. As far as I can tell, everyone with intelligence and creativity I've ever known grew up playing with Legos, and the most brilliant among them still do. Everyone I know who never played with Legos is a blithering idiot. So it is with great pride that I report that my kid loves Legos.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
MFN TSA
I was feeling lazy this morning so I pulled my electric razor out of the suitcase. The switch was in the "on" position, and the battery was completely drained. Those idiot baggage screeners must have switched it on when they were pawing through my luggage and then left it. Which is worse? That the country is run by facists, or that it's run by morons?
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
What Constitution?
Just in case you have any friends or aquaintences who still believe that the administration gives a flying fuck about your right to defend yourself and your possesions, the NY Times reports that authorities are confiscating weapons from civilians in New Orleans. This policy apparently does not apply to corporate security firms.
Upon hearing this, the Constitution leaped from it's glass display case and kicked some donut eatin' ass, forcing the cops to give people their guns back.
Upon hearing this, the Constitution leaped from it's glass display case and kicked some donut eatin' ass, forcing the cops to give people their guns back.
Big Boobs
2008 Presidential Candidate Jake notes the problems that occur when the state acts as a giant teat, and become dependant upon it for their security. This sense security is, of course, proven illusory during times of disaster. I agree whole heartedly, but there is more to it than mere failure of the state to protect people, I believe that the state actively participates in putting people into situations of greater peril than they would otherwise enter on their own. The most recent example is of New Orleans where thanks to the combined efforts of government and corporate developers, people were living up to 20 feet below sea level. Lest we not forget that the destruction was exacerbated by the actions of the state from the entire neighborhoods flattened by beached floating casinos due to Mississippi’s gambling laws which prohibit gaming on dry land where normal entrepreneurs could wet their beaks but allow it for corporations that can afford to build giant pleasure barges, to the millionaires’ beach McMansions whose insurance policies are subsidized by tax-payers because no one else in their right mind would underwrite these stick and glass monstrosities built on shifting sands in the path of frequent hurricanes.
The phenomenon of corporate and political interests joining forces to pervert the free market and only making matters worse is nothing new. Only an agency as corrupt as the NY Port Authority would build a pair of absurdly tall buildings which never turned a profit and but turned their occupants into sitting ducks. Only an organization as clueless as the military would put all their top people in the single largest office building in the world – and shape it like a giant pentagonal bulls-eye. Only a bureaucracy as stupid as the FAA would disarm innocent travelers and then bail out the incompetent airlines which failed to protect them. Only an entity as inefficient as the Forest Service would sell logging rights to well-connected timber companies for less than it costs to fight forest fires. This barely scratches the surface.
Before anyone suggests the absurd notion that you should “change” government by protesting or voting or writing your writing your representative or some such shit, keep in mind that this is exactly the government that The People wanted. The People want bread and circuses. The People want a false sense of security. The People want to be told how to live. The People want to borrow money and blow it on useless shit. The People don’t want to think for themselves. The People don’t want to earn their keep. The People don’t want to plan ahead. And The People definitely don’t want other people to defend themselves, especially if those other people are a different color, talk funny, or worst of all, worship different. So who the fuck are you to tell them otherwise? Just watch out for yourself, your loved ones and your neighbors, and try not to let The People fuck with you too much.
The phenomenon of corporate and political interests joining forces to pervert the free market and only making matters worse is nothing new. Only an agency as corrupt as the NY Port Authority would build a pair of absurdly tall buildings which never turned a profit and but turned their occupants into sitting ducks. Only an organization as clueless as the military would put all their top people in the single largest office building in the world – and shape it like a giant pentagonal bulls-eye. Only a bureaucracy as stupid as the FAA would disarm innocent travelers and then bail out the incompetent airlines which failed to protect them. Only an entity as inefficient as the Forest Service would sell logging rights to well-connected timber companies for less than it costs to fight forest fires. This barely scratches the surface.
Before anyone suggests the absurd notion that you should “change” government by protesting or voting or writing your writing your representative or some such shit, keep in mind that this is exactly the government that The People wanted. The People want bread and circuses. The People want a false sense of security. The People want to be told how to live. The People want to borrow money and blow it on useless shit. The People don’t want to think for themselves. The People don’t want to earn their keep. The People don’t want to plan ahead. And The People definitely don’t want other people to defend themselves, especially if those other people are a different color, talk funny, or worst of all, worship different. So who the fuck are you to tell them otherwise? Just watch out for yourself, your loved ones and your neighbors, and try not to let The People fuck with you too much.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Land o Lakes
So I'm back in the land of my birth for a few days. It's a warm September, and I'm remembering why I was so frequently unemployed here. It's too fucking muggy to work. I do miss the greenery though (another reason to move farther west), and also the fact that if I want to get around town, I need to plan my route out, do I take 169 to 55 into downtown or do I just fight through to 394. Maybe if I loop up to 694 I can come down 94. At home if there's a major accident on 90, you are fucked. But it does suck that they gave us a suv at the car rental instead of the car we reserved. It was a free "upgrade" but it rides like shit, has a blind spot the size of, well, another suv, and it guzzles gas like Coors during rush week.
By the way, happy "Don't Trust the Government to Save Your Sorry Ass When the Shit Hits the Fan" Day. Drink some beer, roast some sausages and stay the fuck out of giant government buildings.
By the way, happy "Don't Trust the Government to Save Your Sorry Ass When the Shit Hits the Fan" Day. Drink some beer, roast some sausages and stay the fuck out of giant government buildings.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Assal Horizontality
It's Labor Day, and I intend to sit on my ass all day. I got a lotta projects what need gettin done, but not this weekend. I'm stickin it to Whitey by not doing anything productive. Before becoming a yuppie tool, I worked a lot of Labor Days. So if The Man is making any of you working stiffs punch the clock today, I suggest doing a really half-assed job and maybe fucking some shit up if you can get away with it.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Uh oh...
If I keep posting shit like that, someone might get the mistaken impression that I actually give a fuck.
Little Brown People
This morning I received an email forward entitled “Why oil sells for $67 a barrel” which contained several photos of what is purported to be some Arab sheik’s ultra-opulent home, including this one:
First off, some semantics. The proper term isn’t why, but because oil sells for $67 a barrel (or more). It's simple supply and demand. This is why:
The obvious implication of the email, of course, is not to serve as a lesson in basic economics but to foment hatred toward brown people who dress different, talk funny and worship the wrong way. Thus making it more acceptable to torture and kill them. Of course, it seems odd to me that most of the brown people getting the blunt end of the Democracy Stick tend to live like this:
Meanwhile, the ones profiting off our consumption tend to get treated like this:
Methinks that if government has to blow shit up, as governments invariably will, they may be hitting the wrong targets.
